You Should Be Here...

There’s really no way to capture all of my emotions in just a few words. Nothing can encompass all that is running through my head day after day.

It’s been a little over a month without my aunt, who was always more like a big sister and best friend. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that she’s really gone.

This is such a huge year and there’s so much that I wish she would be here to see. It’s my senior year of college. She should be here watching my last band performances, eating her “band booster hot dogs” and cheering me on. She should be fixing monkey bread for us every time she comes to visit. She should be dragging me with her to buy more books than she could ever fit in her library. She should still be a text away when I have a million questions about the recipes she gave me. She should be buying wine and making me try it, now that I’m old enough.

Chrissy was only in my life for a few years, but she made a huge impact in just that short amount of time. She was my escape from the stresses of college. Her house was my home away from home. Her sense of humor always made the worst days better.

I know God will never call someone home until it’s their time. I just wish Chrissy’s time hadn’t been so short. No matter how much I need her now, Heaven needed her more. I know she is having a blast being reunited with her dad and drinking lots of wine with Jesus. I just want to be selfish and have one more day with her. If I’d only known that the last time I saw her was going to be the last time, I would have spent more time with her and been more intentional about making sure she knew how much she meant (and still means) to me.  I miss her more and more every day. It never gets any easier. Thoughts and memories consume my mind.

I’ve finally found the strength to write a letter to her, though she’ll never see it:

Dear Chrissy, 

Thank you. Thank you for being my best friend, especially over the past three years. I don’t know how I would have made it through college without you, especially the first year having my apartment. Thank you for always being a text away and always having your door open for me to come visit.  

I’m sorry I never told you how much you mean to me. I’m sorry I didn’t get to spend more time with you. 

I wish you were here for my senior year of college. You’ve always been the one person that truly understood my love for marching band, and I was really looking forward to you seeing my last show and celebrating Senior Day with me. I promise to eat a band booster hot dog just for you.  

I wish you could be here when I spend a lot of time in Bowling Green working on my Master’s degree. I was excited to be able to spend more time with you.  

I’m so glad that you got to meet Andrew, even though it was only a couple of times. I know you promised to teach him how to fit into our crazy family. You’d be happy to know that he fits in perfectly. I wish you could be here to spend more time with us and to see where the future leads us.  

I know your legacy is living on in all of the people that you loved. I’m striving to love and laugh like you always did. It’s hard because I miss you so much. I cry every time I think of you. But, sometimes I catch myself laughing at some of our memories. That’s when I’m reminded of how much you don’t want me to cry and be upset. You want me to laugh and love life. You want me to cherish the memories we had. You want me to be thankful for the time we did have, not angry for the time we didn’t have. I’m trying, Chrissy. I really am. I still have days where I want to text you and ask your advice. It’s killing me knowing that I can’t do that anymore. Will you promise to watch over me and always be my guardian angel? I miss you so much. More than I ever thought it would be possible to miss someone. I love you, and I promise to live in a way that keeps your legacy alive.

Love,

Becca

You Are Enough!

“Am I strong? Beautiful? Am I good enough? Do I belong, after all that I've said and done? Is it real when I feel I don't measure up? Am I loved?”

If we’re honest, we have all had those thoughts run through our minds. We feel like we are inadequate, like God could never use us. We tend to think we’ve strayed too far for God to ever love us. I know I’ve had these thoughts plenty of times. I compare myself to everyone else, thinking I’m not as pretty as that girl, or I’m not as smart as that girl. I’ve fallen away from my walk with God many times, and walked in the ways of this world. It was then that I never thought I would measure up and that I wasn’t loved. I placed my value and worth in the opinion of a guy. I let them tell me who I was and who I wasn’t.

As I’m learning and growing in my faith and as a person, I’m starting to see that that’s not where my identity come from. My identity comes from Christ. He formed me in my mother’s womb, and has great plans for me. He created me to be a daughter of the King. I am always enough to Him. I can never do too much to stray away from Him. I am unique and beautiful to Him. He hasn’t called me to ministry because He thought I was qualified, but He is using the things that I think would “disqualify” me to use in the ministry that He has called me to.

So, if you’re reading this and have ever felt this way, this is for you:

You are loved. You are enough. You are worth it. You are beautiful. You are a Child of the King. Your identity is not in the things of this world, in what you have or haven’t done, but it is in Christ alone. Regardless of where you’ve been or where you’re going, you’ve never been outside of God’s love for you. You don’t have to compare yourself to anyone. God’s love for you is unconditional – it doesn’t depend on your decisions, on what you wear, or what grades you have. God knows every part of you, and loves you relentlessly anyways. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. God knows the plans He has for you – plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

Walk in these promises daily, and remember that no matter where you are, you are enough and you are loved by God.

“I am strong. Beautiful. I am good enough. I belong after all, ‘cause of what You've done. This is real, what I feel. No one made it up. I am loved.”

It's Okay to Be Single!

I’ve always been the girl that thought I needed a boyfriend to be happy. Starting in sixth grade, I always had some kind of middle school “relationship” going on. My freshman year of high school, I was still in that same mentality. Then in February of my freshman year, I started dating a guy and we dated until September of my senior year. So, from sixth grade until halfway through my senior year, all I knew was constantly having a guy in life. And I was always okay with it. To be honest, I loved the attention, and I felt like that was what I needed in life – attention from a guy. After that, I was single for about a year, which was great because I was able to focus on myself during the last few months of high school and all that goes along with that, as well as preparing to move off for college. But I still sought attention from guys, even though I wasn’t looking for a relationship. The June before I left for college, I started dating a guy, and things got serious pretty fast. By September, we were engaged. I was the happiest I’d ever been. I was in a happy, healthy, Christ-centered relationship, and life was good. Moving to college was a huge adjustment, and handling an engagement on top of that was a lot of work, but we made it work for almost two years before we broke up.

I’m not writing this to bash any of my previous relationships, because each one was great while it lasted and I’m the person I am today because of them. However, I’m writing this to let you know that it’s okay to not always be in a relationship. I’m speaking from experience, and if this touches one person, I’ve done my job.

Like I said, I’ve always been the girl to feel like I need a relationship. Until these last couple of months. I’ve grown so much as a person in the last couple of months. I’ve learned that it’s okay to be single. I’m only 20. I have my whole life ahead of me. So, to all of the girls who are seeking attention from guys and finding their worth in a relationship, this is for you.

You are worth so much more than the opinion of any guy. God created you in His image. He knew you before He formed you. He knows the plans He has for you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Seek your identity in God, not in the things of this world. No relationship can take the place that only God can fill in your life. Don’t get me wrong, relationships are great. It’s nice to wake up to “good morning, Beautiful” texts and to get flowers for no reason at all. But, you’re young. You have your whole life ahead of you. You don’t have to be ready to settle down immediately. I know society is always talking about settling down, getting married, having kids, and living the perfect life. First of all, there’s no such thing as a “perfect” life. Second of all, these are the best years of your life. Have fun. Go hang out with friends. Stay up all night binge watching Gilmore Girls and eating Ben and Jerry’s. Focus on you. Grow as a person. Find out who you are. Learn to love yourself before you can love anyone else. Spend time in God’s presence. Strengthen your faith. In the right time, God will let the perfect man come into your life to love you unconditionally. Until then, it’s okay to be single!

 

People, get ready! Jesus is coming!

“God is on this campus. He is in control. He’s doing things here that have never been done before.”

Every Monday night, Campbellsville has a student led worship in the chapel on campus. I’ve been really praying that God would show up in mighty ways on this campus, and especially through Oasis. There have been several prophecies of revival and manifestations over Kentucky, and specifically central Kentucky, over the last several years. Nothing excites me more than the thought of God fully revealing himself in Campbellsville, Kentucky.

I want to see God’s Spirit fall. I want revival to breakout. I want to see healings and miracles. I know my God is able. I’m fully expectant and ready to see this, and I know several others are, too.

Tonight was the very tip of the iceberg of God manifesting himself on the campus of Campbellsville University. When I walked into the chapel tonight, the presence of God was so heavy, something that I usually don’t feel when I go to Oasis. The BCM council passed out pieces of paper to everyone before the service. On that piece of paper was a Bible Verse for us to meditate on – Isaiah 53:3-5 (He was despised and rejected – a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care. Yet it was our weakness he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins! But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed.) This verse is so humbling. It amazes me to think that we were the reason Jesus went to the cross. He had no reason to die, but he did it because he loves us so much. Even when we mock him, despise him, and think we can make it without him, he died for us. He carried our weakness and sin to the cross so that we wouldn’t have to. This is the essence of Christianity, and especially with Easter coming up. What better time for God to reveal himself!

The Spirit of God stayed present throughout the entire service, and I eventually didn’t know how else to honor Him, except to cry. I saw the altar flooded with people and felt God moving in so many ways. It’s almost unreal. The only thing that I found fitting to pray during this time was “more, God. We want more. Let your Spirit move in mighty ways.” I prayed this over and over again. And God continued to move. In the midst of my prayer, I felt God speak to me and say “keep praying. Get a group together and organize a prayer walk around this campus and I will show up in new and amazing ways. Get ready!” WOW! I’m so excited to see where this is going. I can’t wait to see an outpouring of His love on our campus and then to see it spread through Kentucky.

 

 

25 Things I Want My Future Daughter to Know

Over the past twenty years, my mom has taught me numerous valuable lessons, several of which have stuck with me through the years. I hope to be half the mom to my future daughter as my mom is, and has been, to me. In saying that, here are 25 things that my mom has taught me that I want to pass on to my future daughter.

1. Chase your dreams, no matter how crazy they may seem.
2. I may not always agree with the choices you make, but they will never make me love you any less.
3. You don’t always need to be in a relationship. Take time to be yourself – do what you want to do, find who you are. God will place a man in your life in the right time.
4. Travel. Yeah, money is tight when you’re young, but don’t let the hold you back. If God is calling you to do mission work or to travel, He will most definitely provide.
5. You are beautiful just the way you are. Don’t let anyone ever tell you differently.
6. A little makeup goes a long way. There’s no need to make yourself look like a clown.
7. When you start to think about your career, think about what you’re passionate about. Money isn’t everything, and it really isn’t worth it if you’re stuck at a job you hate.
8. Be careful when you choose your friends. Girls are mean.
9. Life isn’t a fairytale. Don’t be upset when you don’t feel like Cinderella at the ball every day.
10. You are loved. Your family loves you. Your friends love you. I love you. But above all, God loves you and He always has your best interest in mind.
11. Never, ever settle for less than you deserve.
12. It may seem crazy, but I’ve been where you are. I know what it’s like. You can always talk to me.
13. Having your heart broken sucks and it’s inevitable. When this happens, don’t push people away. Spend time with friends. Do girly things. Find time to laugh.
14. Being a smart Alek and having an attitude out of this world is also inevitable. It runs in the family. We’ll probably butt heads a lot because of this. That doesn’t mean I don’t love you.
15. Respect yourself. A guy’s opinion of you does not define you.
16. There is more to you than your body. If a guy can’t see that, he doesn’t deserve you.
17. Don’t be afraid of sex, but know that God created that to be a great thing inside of a marriage.
18. Growing up isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Don’t be in such a hurry.
19. Enjoy the little things. Take in the beauty of sunsets. Spend time with friends. Stay up late every now and then. Just breathe it all in.
20. Work hard in everything you do. Especially in school. I promise it will pay off.
21. It’s okay to be smart. Never feel like you need to dumb yourself down around other people.
22. Be a lady, but you don’t always have to be girly. Have respect and always use your manners.  But, if you want to paint your nails, do it. If you want to go fishing and play in the mud, do that too.
23. I will always be here for you. No matter where your dreams lead you, remember the road that’ll lead you home.
24. Trust God in every situation. Make your faith your own. Take time to worship and talk to God like He’s your best friend. He cares about you and He understands when it seems like no one else does.
25. Last but not least, never forget that you will always be my baby girl, no matter how big you get. You may outgrow my arms, but you will never outgrow my heart. I love you to the moon and back.

A Letter to Former Teachers

I have spent most of my week home for spring break hanging out at my high school and doing some observation hours. This week made it all so real to me that in a little over two years, I’ll be teaching on my own, in my own classroom, with my own students. It still seems so surreal that all I’ve ever dreamed of is so close to becoming a reality. This realization is what prompted me to write this blog post. I want to take a few minutes to thank all of my past teachers who lead me to where I am today.

Mom,

Thanks for being so much more than my mom. Thanks for showing me what a great teacher looks like. More than anything, thanks for letting me see that teaching is so much more than Monday through Friday, 8-3, with holidays and summers off. Thanks for letting me see firsthand all of the hard work that goes into teaching, behind the scenes. From countless hours of doing lesson plans, to grading papers, to professional development days and staff meetings. Thanks for instilling in me a love for teaching and for encouraging me to teach since I was young and “teaching” my stuffed animals, baby dolls and Barbies. I always thought I would never actually teach, just because you were a teacher. But now, there’s nothing else that I could imagine myself doing. Not to mention, I will always have someone that I can run to anytime I need help or need to vent about things only teachers will understand. Oh, and thanks for passing down your addiction to buying pens and being ecstatic about buying, or even looking at, school supplies! I love you to the moon and back!

Ms. Rowe,

I can’t believe it’s been ten years since I was in your class! Thanks for having such an impact on my life. Thanks for treating me more like your daughter than your student. Thanks for being so welcoming to me when I was a nervous wreck about starting a new school. Thanks for always encouraging me and for allowing me to be creative in almost everything I did in your class. Your class was where I fell in love with special education. Even though I didn’t know I wanted to teach special education until I was in high school, when I think about it now, it all leads back to my fourth grade year. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to work with Jon and form such a great friendship with him, and for encouraging me, without words, to spend my life working in special education. To this day, I can’t say how grateful I am to have had you as my fourth grade teacher!

Mrs. Houck,

Thanks for always pushing me to do better than what I thought was my best. Thanks for taking time to invest in me and to genuinely show that you cared. Thanks for preparing me so much for my college English classes and for teaching me how to write a well-written paper. That has really paid off over the past two years. Thanks for always welcoming me to your classroom, whether it was senior year when you “adopted me” into your advisory, or now when I come home to visit and just want to hang out and catch up. I hope that one day I can influence my students in the way that you’ve influenced me over the past several years.

Mrs. Dickens,

When I was a peer tutor in your class my senior year, I realized that teaching special education was where God was calling me. I’d ran from that thought for a while, but I immediately fell in love with the kids in your class and I couldn’t imagine spending my life any other way. Since then, I’ve made it a point to come see you every time I’m home, and I fall more in love with special ed every time I’m there. Thank you for being such an inspiration and role model to me. Thanks for always being willing to answer my millions of questions. Thanks for letting me rant about how much I already dislike writing IEPs and lesson plans. Thanks for being more than just a teacher that let me fill up my senior schedule by hanging out in your class. Thanks for being so much more than just a teacher. Thanks for being my mentor as I am walking through all of my special ed classes. Thanks for becoming a friend and for allowing me to help you in your classroom and outside of the classroom with your boys. I look forward to the day, God willing, that we will be teaching together.

Many other teachers impacted my life in huge and lasting ways, but these teachers are ones that come to mind when I think about “favorite teachers.” Thank you to each and every teacher that has played a part in my life and that has made me into the person that I am to be. I hope to one day be half the teacher that each of you were to me.

 

A Letter to My Future Husband

Dear Future Husband,

Let me start off by saying that I have been praying for you for as long as I can remember. My prayer has been, and continues to be, that you love God first and me second. I thank God for allowing me to marry you, whenever that may be.

I could’ve sworn that I met you at least a couple of times, but thank God that He had other plans. I’ve had my fair share of heartbreaks. I know those experiences served a purpose in my life, but I can’t wait to meet you and forget what it felt like to have my heart broken. I’m waiting patiently for you. I want to live my life to make you proud to be my husband. You are well worth the wait, and I can’t wait for the moment when I realize that you’re “the one.”

I’ve had times where I’ve been afraid of love, afraid of being hurt again, and afraid that I would never be good enough, especially for someone like you.  I know when you meet me, you will probably think I’m perfect. Let me clear that up now – I’m not. I have plenty of insecurities. I have a past that I’m not proud of. I have a tendency to have a bad attitude and hold grudges. But, please don’t let that scare you away.

Despite all of that, I promise that I will love you with all that I have for the rest of my life. I promise to always kiss you good night and good morning. I promise to fix you dinner (and do my best not to burn it!). I promise to do your laundry. I promise to support you in all that you do. I promise to always be honest with you and to never hold anything back from you. I promise to pray with you and for you. I promise to hold your hand. I promise to be okay with having lazy days around the house, and love every minute of it. I promise to be a Proverbs 31 wife for you. I promise to stand by your side on the good and bad days. I promise to help raise our future children in a Christian home. Above all, I promise to love you unconditionally, through good and bad, sickness and health, whether we’re rich or poor.

Just so you know, I’m obsessed with Where the Heart is, sweet tea, worship, and Pinterest. Anything that you could ever imagine, I have an idea for on Pinterest. Our wedding? Yeah, it’s planned. Our house? It’s decorated. Food? I have plenty of meals covered.

Speaking of Pinterest, I found a prayer that I fell in love with, and has become my prayer for you. Let me share it with you:

“I pray that he is a worshipper like David.
I pray that he can make bad situations better with just a couple of words.
I pray that he is wise like Solomon.
I pray that he is a prayer warrior, & not a worrier.
I pray that he is brave like Jonathan.
I pray that he leads our family with grace.
I pray that he obeys God like Abraham.
I pray that he has a heart for the nations & loves traveling just as much as I do.
I pray that he has faith like Joshua.
I pray that he has a really good sense of humor & can make me laugh until I think I’m going to pee my pants.
I pray that he has Jesus as his closest friend like Peter.
I pray that he has a sense of adventure.
I pray that he is willing to suffer for the cost of spreading the gospel like Paul.
I pray that he can handle my crazy family & even crazier friends.
I pray that his belief in Christ is so strong that he would be willing to walk through fire like Shadrach, Meshach, & Abednego.
I pray that he is prepared for lots & lots of pictures.
I pray that his love for Christ is so strong that is radiates through every crevice of his being.
I pray that he is patient, silly, grounded, passionate, & caring.
I pray that he loves me in the midst of all the really weird things I do & that love would only grow stronger every day.”

Love,
Your Future Wife