It’s been a little over a month without my aunt, who was always more like a big sister and best friend. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that she’s really gone.
This is such a huge year and there’s so much that I wish she would be here to see. It’s my senior year of college. She should be here watching my last band performances, eating her “band booster hot dogs” and cheering me on. She should be fixing monkey bread for us every time she comes to visit. She should be dragging me with her to buy more books than she could ever fit in her library. She should still be a text away when I have a million questions about the recipes she gave me. She should be buying wine and making me try it, now that I’m old enough.
Chrissy was only in my life for a few years, but she made a huge impact in just that short amount of time. She was my escape from the stresses of college. Her house was my home away from home. Her sense of humor always made the worst days better.
I know God will never call someone home until it’s their time. I just wish Chrissy’s time hadn’t been so short. No matter how much I need her now, Heaven needed her more. I know she is having a blast being reunited with her dad and drinking lots of wine with Jesus. I just want to be selfish and have one more day with her. If I’d only known that the last time I saw her was going to be the last time, I would have spent more time with her and been more intentional about making sure she knew how much she meant (and still means) to me. I miss her more and more every day. It never gets any easier. Thoughts and memories consume my mind.
I’ve finally found the strength to write a letter to her, though she’ll never see it:
Dear Chrissy,
Thank you. Thank you for being my best friend, especially over the past three years. I don’t know how I would have made it through college without you, especially the first year having my apartment. Thank you for always being a text away and always having your door open for me to come visit.
I’m sorry I never told you how much you mean to me. I’m sorry I didn’t get to spend more time with you.
I wish you were here for my senior year of college. You’ve always been the one person that truly understood my love for marching band, and I was really looking forward to you seeing my last show and celebrating Senior Day with me. I promise to eat a band booster hot dog just for you.
I wish you could be here when I spend a lot of time in Bowling Green working on my Master’s degree. I was excited to be able to spend more time with you.
I’m so glad that you got to meet Andrew, even though it was only a couple of times. I know you promised to teach him how to fit into our crazy family. You’d be happy to know that he fits in perfectly. I wish you could be here to spend more time with us and to see where the future leads us.
I know your legacy is living on in all of the people that you loved. I’m striving to love and laugh like you always did. It’s hard because I miss you so much. I cry every time I think of you. But, sometimes I catch myself laughing at some of our memories. That’s when I’m reminded of how much you don’t want me to cry and be upset. You want me to laugh and love life. You want me to cherish the memories we had. You want me to be thankful for the time we did have, not angry for the time we didn’t have. I’m trying, Chrissy. I really am. I still have days where I want to text you and ask your advice. It’s killing me knowing that I can’t do that anymore. Will you promise to watch over me and always be my guardian angel? I miss you so much. More than I ever thought it would be possible to miss someone. I love you, and I promise to live in a way that keeps your legacy alive.Love,Becca
